Well, yesterday was officially the start of this journey again. I've had mixed feelings about the protocol over the last year. I got to a place where I didn't want to do it again, because it is not the easiest thing to think about doing. That's exactly my problem, however, is thinking too much about things. I would freak myself out about doing 500 calories again, never stopping to think that I may actually LOVE the weight loss portion. Regardless of the program, it takes discipline and determination to succeed. Without either one of those, you are bound to fail. I was in a place mentally where, for whatever reason, I wanted it to be easy and wasn't willing to sacrifice my taste buds for something that might actually benefit my health. Stupid, I know.
I mentioned I am doing the Made to Crave study, and I'm having to teach myself a lot of things that should be common sense. I have to realize that it isn't about what society dictates I should look like. The allure of magazines leaves so many of us thinking we'll find worth if we become a size, 8,6,4, or 2. When we feel unworthy, we obsess about what it takes to look like that. That's why this world is full of eating disorders, whether they be anorexia, bulemia, or overeating. Each one of us who struggles has a different battle. Some of us think we are unworthy because we have a muffin top, so we run to the fridge, sabotaging any potential at reducing the size of our waist. Some of us decide, "fine, I just won't eat at all," while others combine the sabotaging eating and follow it with a huge amount of guilt, and purge what they spent the last hour stuffing in their mouths. This is a real problem in our culture. Our culture has dictated what beauty is, all forgetting what God said beauty is. At the end of this life, it doesn't matter what you looked like, because you will be buried with the worms (or cremated etc but you get my drift). What matters is what your heart looked like. How did you treat people? How did you love those around you? What did you spend your life obsessing about? Were you constantly in bondage emotionally to food (me), worried about what you would eat next? All the while, missing precious moments with your family? Were you always worried about being the perfect size, looking beautiful all of the time so that the world would notice? Those are just a couple of examples, but essentially the problem can be anything and affect your heart in ways that you can't ever go back and do over.
So, my challenge this time is to dig deep into my brain and try to correct the behavior that put me in this predicament to begin with. I want to change the "why" in the reasons I eat and have peace with my pantry. I no longer want to wake up worried about what I will eat all day, where my next "treat" will come from. I honestly see so many similarities between myself and a drug addict. I would hide candy so that my husband wouldn't have any reason to tell me "you shouldn't eat that." I would have binge sessions with bags of cheetos, cupcakes, and M&M's. I would wake up ready to find a sugar fix, try desperately to hold onto good eating and fail half way through the day sparking a desire for McDonald's. I was made to crave GOD not food. If I can run to Him when the cravings hit, He will carry me through the desire for food and give me the desire for Him and for the life I have been made for. A life that is a good example for my kids, a life that is full of wonderful tastes without addiction, a life that is enriched by helping and loving others. As long as I stay stuck here, I will not have any of that to the fullest that I know God has available to me.
Yesterday (VLCD Day 1) was a good day. I was hungry, but that is normal on the protocol the first few days. My meal plan is as follows (yes it varies from the protocol list, yes there are more calories...this is how I've chosen the plan for now but may adapt depending how losses continue)
Breakfast: 1 scoop MRM Vanilla Whey Protein, 1 Cup Spinach, 10oz water with ice blended in a blender. Green tea. Calories=92
Snack: 1 Fuji apple microwaved for 40 seconds (changed the time for the next apple to 30 seconds due to the nutritional content of apples changing when they are cooked...adding more SUGAR) sprinkled with Truvia and cinnamon. 71 calories
Lunch: 4 oz Ground Pheasant with chili powder, curry powder, onion salt, pepper, and cilantro. 1 Tbs. Salsa, 2C. Cucumber with AC vinegar. 1 grissini breadstick. 208 calories
Snack: Same apple as the first snack
Dinner: 1 large egg, 1 egg white, with sauteed (non-stick pan) red onion, red pepper, and 1 jalapeno. Sprinkled with a little Monterey Seasoning. 1 Grissini stick. 202 calories
Snack: Sugar-free jello (2 servings), 2C. oil popped popcorn. 130 Calories
Total Calories: 703
Pre-Load Weight: 215.4
Post-Load Weight: 216.4
VLCD 1 Weight: 213.6
Loss: -2.8 lbs
I did wake up ready to eat my arm, but am feeling much better this morning now that my morning meal is in my gut. I changed today's menu up a bit, but will post the final results tomorrow. So far so good, a little headache (normal when detoxing) but other than that feeling pretty good. I will check in tomorrow! Have a wonderful day!
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