A Heavy Heart

Yesterday was a repeat of VLCD day 13 on round 2. It was a good day, did cheat once (dang it). Allowing the HCG to completely leave the body and resuming the VLCD on the first day back on injections made me slightly more hungry than usual. I am down to 195.5 today which is 1.8 less than I weighed yesterday morning. I AM BACK IN THE GAME!

You are probably wondering why the heavy heart. There are 3 young girls who are nearing the end of their battles with cancer today. My heart is heavy for them and their families. They are strong young girls between the ages of 11 and 14. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, but after what I've learned and witnessed, I will forever be "aware" of the impact of cancer in children. Here are some facts:

• Childhood cancers are the #1 disease killer of children - more than asthma, cystic fibrosis, diabetes, and pediatric AIDS combined.
• The cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and at present, cannot be prevented. (Most adult cancers result from lifestyle factors such as smoking, diet, occupation, and other exposure to cancer-causing agents)
• One in every 330 Americans will develop cancer by the age of 20. On the average, 12,500 children and adolescents in the U.S. are diagnosed with cancer each year.
• 46 children are diagnosed with cancer each school day
• The overall incidence rate for childhood cancers has increased significantly by almost 33% during the period 1975 to 2001
• 1 out of every 5 children diagnosed with cancer dies
• Three out of every five children diagnosed with cancer suffer from long-term or late onset side effects
• 2,300 children and teenagers will die each year from cancer
• less than 3% of all funding for cancer research is directed at childhood cancer
• Research funding: Breast Cancer (NCI: $572.5 million, NIH: $705 million, Dept of Defense: $138 million=approx 1.4 billion dollars); Lung Cancer: $226.9 million; Pancreatic Cancer (kills nearly as many patients as breast cancer) $73.3 million; Cardiovascular Disease $381 million; Space Program: $14 billion; CHILDHOOD CANCER: $35 million.
• 7 children battling cancer won't make it through the day

My heart is heavy for the families of these children, my heart is heavy because 3 precious girls are fighting hard but nearing the end. My heart is heavy because no parent should have to watch their children die. My heart is amazed at the strength of these young heroes. They are precious, wonderful girls who have inspired thousands. The strength they have found in spite of their own pain, amazes me each time I read of their updates. Here are the links to their CaringBridge websites. There you can read about their courage and even leave some encouraging words for their families as well if you wish.



http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/valeriedalmau

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jessicaeasley

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sammiehartsfield


I apologize that this is not HCG content, but it is what is on my heart today.

I also wanted to share a few thoughts that ARE related to the HCG protocol. When I started this program, I shared it with a few friends. One friend has battled her weight for many years as well and she and I actually applied for Biggest Loser together in January. We've had a "different" friendship than most of the other friendships that I've had. We've had some times where we didn't see eye to eye and therefore we didn't talk, then we'd reconnect years later and put that behind us. That type of friendship wasn't like any I've ever had with anyone else. I have been so used to having relationships with friends where we may not see eye to eye, but it's something we can look around. I'm not sure why, with this friend, it's not been that way.

When I started the HCG protocol, this particular friend had spent months in the gym working her butt off. She'd spent hours and hours each week and watching her food intake to get to the point to where I am right now. When I'd first discussed the HCG protocol with her, she said something along the lines of "that's not fair, you are going to do it the easy way." When I shared with her, she was very skeptical, which is very natural for many people. Shoot, I was very skeptical at first, but I was willing to do countless hours of research. I was also willing to weigh the risks (which are very small by the way compared to other methods of weight loss) with the risks of being obese. Do I stay obese and die of heart disease by 40 and leave my children or do I do something that can get me on the path to health quickly with the fewest side effects (compared to such things my Dr. wanted to prescribe like Phentermine).

I digress......I began to feel this tension between this friend and I. This plan seemed to really bother her, and I tried to talk with her about the "why's" behind the reason I chose the plan. She remained skeptical, and I realized that this plan isn't for everyone. I'd hoped that maybe she'd give it a try and we could be on the journey together. Instead, she'd make comments like "well, we'll see if you die first." I really didn't take to comments like that well and I explained that she didn't have to do the plan with me but I wished her success in hers. Not once did I hear "I hope it works for you, though I don't agree with the protocol." I had really hoped that she could support me in that way. She never did. One day some other things came up on a popular social networking site and her comments seemed very critical, almost as if she were angry at me for something other than that particular subject. I felt a sense that she was frustrated with me because, in her eyes, I was doing it the "easy way." (There isn't anything easy about this, mind you. It is easier than other plans because the success is so immediate, BUT it still takes discipline.) I attempted to discuss my feelings with this friend, unsuccessfully. Sadly, the friendship ended, yet again. I think this was the 3rd time in our 18 year friendship. I wasn't going to be someone's door mat and let a "friend" talk to me the way she was (very degrading).

The saddest part of this scenario is that all of these years, I really did care for her, even if things were difficult from time-to-time. I wanted to see her successful in her job, her relationships, her weight loss. I wanted so much for her. So, when I am on this journey, one we'd planned to be on together, it's hard sometimes when I think about her. I think "I should be sharing these successes with her and her with me." I think about how we should be calling each other and basking in the joy of new dress sizes. Even if we were on different plans, but I never felt she accepted mine. I didn't expect her to join me, though I think she'd of done great if she had, but I really wanted her to support me regardless of my choice in plan. I have been sad that it just didn't happen that way. I'm sad that I lost a friend. I'm sad that I felt I had to say "this is not a friendship" after numerous rude, degrading comments. She had responded to me that it was her sense of humor, and I explained that it's never been funny to me and I thought she'd of understood that about me. I'm sad that it ended the way it did, I still think about her and pray and hope that she is remaining successful on her plan and in her life. So, my heart is heavy sometimes because I don't like losing people from my life when I care about them. I just have to remember that sometimes there are just differences that don't work, and I have to be okay with that. I just wonder if our friendship was never compatible since we'd been on and off friends so many times.

Anyway, lots of things to share today. Hopefully you aren't bored out of your mind. lol. Take care, I'll check in tomorrow!